Thursday I drank the gallon of evil. Friday I was doped out of my mind. Not a good combination. I figured out that after you drink a glass of the gallon of evil, then chase it with really strong limeade, then chew on a piece of Juicy Fruit gum, you can actually get the whole thing down without puking it back up. It is also better to be able to chug the whole glass in one drink … if you stop to take a breath then you get a whiff and a taste of it and at the time waterboarding seems like a better option than drinking the rest of the glass.
Whatever they give people to knock them out for colonoscopies does NOT interact well with this chick. Anybody remember the hummus incident from last year … yeah … not pretty. I told the nurse as she was rolling me into the procedure room that I was not going to come out of it well and she said that she would tell the other nurses so they would be prepared. The time said 7:48 on the big digital clock. The doctor was talking to me about whether or not I had drank the entire gallon of evil. The nurse injected the “good stuff” into my IV and then it all went loopy. Why the hell do people want to feel like that? It is not a good feeling.
I don’t remember getting dressed to come home (Derek claims that he dressed me, but who knows …. circus clowns and monkeys in tutus could have dressed me and I wouldn’t have known any different). I vaguely remember stopping at Sonic and getting a Sprite … which I promptly puked back up into the blue condom looking thing that the nurse must have given me before we left the hospital. But that didn’t stop me from drinking more Sprite (hey – I was thirsty !), which I promptly puked back up into the giant blue condom thing again …. I evidently did this several times while poor Derek was trying to drive us home. I also evidently missed the big blue condom thing at some point and puked on myself (it’s a good thing that Sprite is clear), which made me laugh and cry at the same time. Derek was laughing when he told me about it later on. So glad that he enjoyed the day. I however DID NOT !!!
The good news is that they didn’t find any polyps and I don’t have to go back for 3 years !!! WOO – HOO !!! The bad news is that I basically don’t remember the past 3 days and I could have been running down the street wearing nothing but the monkey’s tutu and the circus clown’s big floppy shoes and I wouldn’t even know it. So if you see me on the news or on youtube please don’t make rude comments. I was doped up ! I had always thought that I would have made an awesome flower child, but after this incident I think that I would have been too out of it for even Woodstock.