Definition of BACK BURNER
: the condition of being out of active consideration or development —usually used in the phrase on the back burner
A good friend of mine told me not too long ago that she just knew that this was going to be “my year”. I agreed with her. Things were going well. I had hope. I had plans. I had peace.
That’s gone. Gone so far away that I don’t even see it off in the distance. The conversations that I needed to have with people that might have changed my whole life will have to wait. The wonderful vacation that Derek and I had planned together will have to wait. The feeling that things were finally turning around for us will have to wait.
They have all been replaced with a feeling of dread and sinking. I can feel myself sinking. I can feel Derek sinking. The daughters. The sons. All sinking. I know that it’s the waiting and the fear of the unknown, but the helpless feeling is almost more than we can handle.
We should know more tomorrow ….
… but for now I am mad at the world and I think I might stay this way for a while. It’s easier than having hope. Having hope is exhausting.
Hope has been put on the back burner.