I wish sometimes that I had this attitude:
I used to have that attitude about people when I was bat shit crazy on meds and vodka. I really didn’t care whether or not people actually liked me … but was under the strange illusion that everybody did and that I was everybody’s best friend, even though I treated people horribly, yelled at them constantly, and sometimes threw things in their general directions. Oh yes … I was real fun to be around.
I really don’t know where this post is going other than to say that I am having a hard time finding the balance between wanting to be liked (and finding new friends) and not caring whether somebody likes me (and moving on if they don’t want to be my friend). I tried to force friendships during the crazy days and that just ended up pushing people away, so now I am scared to put myself out there. I want the closeness of friendships, but come across as socially awkward and borderline stalkerish.
I need more practice being liked (in a genuine not “please please please be my friend” kind of way).