I received this e-mail a few weeks ago … and it made me cry, mostly because THIS is why I tell my story. I never said that it happens to everybody, but it does happen and it did happen to me. Mr. Hyde ran my life for nine long years and now Dr. Jekyll is left to pick up the pieces and that’s exactly what I’m doing. It’s amazing how clear things can become on the cloudiest of days.
This e-mail is reprinted here with permission from the original author …
Not sure what drew me to your blog months ago, probably the title, but I am so glad that I found it. I had no idea about the bad effects of SSRIs until I read your story and realized that I had been suffering bad effects also. I SO appreciate your honesty and openness about what happened to you (and I don’t need any details) because it really helped me to understand my own wacky-assed behavior and ridiculously stupid and impulsive decisions that took place during the height of my SSRI days.
The first five years on Paxil were fine. But the next five years were a nightmare. I totally fucked up my finances, lost my home and 2 other homes, declared bankruptcy, and everything that could go wrong during that time did. I was a horrible parent. and being a single parent, my kids didn’t have a normal parent to turn to or balance things out. It was hell. I wanted to kill myself every day for a year during the worst of it. I had no one to turn to – my mom is dead and my dad has Alzhiemers. I was too ashamed to tell my friends what was going on.
When we moved out of our house after it was foreclosed on, I decided I couldn’t look back anymore. I spent 2011 learning to forgive myself and working on healing. But I had no idea that my “happy pills” contributed to the craziness.
Thanks to you I am weaning myself off those evil little pills (with my doctor’s approval). I am back on track rebuilding my life. In fact, my friends say I look and seem so much happier and that I glow.
Anyway, this is a really long email to say that you telling your story in a public forum helps people. It helped me.
When I asked her if it was okay to post the e-mail … she sent back this:
Sure, post away.
You can add this: I went from being a responsible, stong, independant, level-headed, financially sound, good mom to a nutcase. And I really didn’t understand why that was happening. There was a triggering event, a breakup of a brief relationship that normally wouldn’t have had much of an effect on me, but at that particular time it sent my brain off it’s rocker.
Hope all is ok with you. Lots of ups and down for you lately. The kids will be ok, they have a strong mom as a good role model.
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