I had a high school Senior English teacher like every other high school Senior English teacher, one who thought that us memorizing long verses of poetry would magically make us care about the world and stop being horrific little shits. I honestly don’t remember any of the other poems we were forced to recite standing in front of our classmates while they laughed and threw things at us … but I remember this one … I still know it by heart … maybe there’s a reason for that.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I —
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
I haven’t posted in the past week, because well … I’m at a the point where those two roads begin.
A few weeks ago I received a message from a “higher up” at a local company asking me to send my resume. I thought “what the hell”, so I did. Then I went in for an informal interview. Then I talked to the head of Human Resources. Then I went in for another informal interview. Now I’m waiting to hear if the “main office” is willing to hire me.
This was not a part of the master plan. The plan was to take the next 18 or so months to get my life in order (finances, kidlets, purging the house of junk, relationships, learning Spanish … although I already know all the words to La Bamba so I pretty much already have that one aced, etc.). Well you know the saying “we make plans and God laughs.” Well in my case it’s “we make plans and God laughs and points and throws things and causes a house to fall on your sister and then that damn girl takes your favorite red glittered shoes”. I was also going to take this year to buffer up my writing skills, learn how to relax more, do more research on prescription drug addictions, the correlation between drug use and crime, helping people overcome anxiety and taper off of psychotropic medications while practicing CBT, etc. etc.. I had big plans for this year and this job thing was not a part of that. It would be the safe route, the grown up thing to do, but that would mean that it would take away my chances to be brave, maybe my chances to make a real difference.
Anywho … if they offer me the job and are willing to hire me even though I am eeeeeeeeeeeeeevil then I know I have to take it. It would be stupid not to. But I’m scared. There I said it. The feeling that I’m actually feeling. Scared. Scared to venture out into a world of new people, completely new job requirements, and a tooooooootally new environment. This wasn’t part of the plan, but really … what part of my life has been?
I don’t have to make the decision now and it actually might be made for me in the next few days, but if they are willing to take a chance on me then I have to choose a road and I’m not quite sure which one to take.