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I’m slowly getting used to the idea of an almost empty nest. It’s taken me a few months to get here, but I’m actually starting to enjoy it. My trick is to make a list of all of the things that I want to get done while the house is quiet on the nights when D and all of the kids are at work.
Here’s the list I have going now …
– find picture frames for Emily’s project (she’s making something for the new boyfriend for their one month anniversary – it’s so damn sweet I think it’s turned me diabetic) Yes, I realize that’s now how diabetes works … it’s just a saying.
– work on my query letters (don’t ask!)
– work on my contacts list for the two businesses we’re building
– clean around the TV in the bedroom (I don’t even want to know what’s in that cabinet)
– clean off the dresser
– clean off the nightstand
… and now I look like I’m a complete slob. Great! A slob and a horrible person … why do you put up with me?
Actually I’m not a complete slob, in fact I’m a child of hoarders so I work hard not to be slobbish (is that a word?). However, I am clearing out my life (yes, it’s a long process and yes, I know I’ve been writing about it for years) and cleaning out things keeps me from dwelling on bad stuff and it makes the house look pretty for all of those times when nobody comes to visit me. 😉
In fact, we’ve been clearing out everything in our lives from junk around the house to junk mail to junk people. If it isn’t making us calmer people and helping out then out it goes … DAMMIT!
In case you want to do the same … find these things …
to opt out of junk catalogs go to www.catalogchoice.org … it’s soooooooo easy and it really does work
to opt out of prescreened credit card offers go to www.optoutprescreen.com we haven’t received ANY offers since we did this … it could just mean that nobody wants to loan us any more money, but I’m going to assume it’s because we asked them not
Now go clean out a closet !! All of your friends are doing it … unless your friends are hoarders and in that case … give them the stuff you don’t want! Ta-da !!
During the proofread, I realized that this is very rambly and not at all in my typical writing style, but you will have to forgive me because we’ve had a stomach virus at my house this week AND I got a call from my son last night from rehab so me brain not work too much me thinks.
I’ve been having trouble with being tired and body aches for a while now. Plus I was having strange headaches. So when somebody offered a possible “help” … I tried it … and I’m so glad I did. I’ve been on better quality vitamins for about 2 weeks now and I can already tell the difference. I no longer ache! I’m not falling asleep at 8:30 every night. I’m getting so much done!!! We also switched out our household cleaners to chemical free ones and that has made a huge difference in mine and my daughter’s allergy related headaches.
So of course when somebody finds something that works and people ask why you seem to be feeling so much better, then you tell them. Then you have a conversation with a mother who crams junk food down her kids throats every single day, smokes like a freaking freight train, and buys them every cheap toy known to man that’s probably coated in lead paint. Then that mother tells you that she “can’t afford that kind of stuff” and you just smile.
Then you get in your car and you send this text message out to your closest friends …. and they still love you even though it’s a rant.
“I’m going to rant for a second … It amazes me how people can spend money on take out food and cheap crap made in China for their kids, but when you mention chemical free cleaning products & vitamins they think their too expensive … when they are actually cheaper! OK …. rant over … thank you for your time … I feel better now … lol”
I recheck things. Every morning before I leave the house I make sure that I’ve unplugged my fan … at least three times. I make sure I’ve set the thermostat … at least twice. I make sure the girlies have unplugged their various “make your hair look like a mad scientist” like devices …. at least three times. Then I walk downstairs, make sure the back door is locked. Make sure the dogs have water. Make myself a glass of orange juice (only 1/2 cup because I’m on Weight Watchers) with creatine. Then I recheck the backdoor and the dog water AGAIN. Then I can leave the house.
I’m getting better. Which kind of sounds like I’m the guy in that creepy sci-fi movie where he merges his DNA with a fly and then is all oozy and fly-like and swears “I’m getting better.” as his eyes grow to the size of dinner plates and he starts puking on his food before he eats it. Except in this case I don’t have much fly DNA in me AND I really am getting better.
The rechecking is an OCD like behavior that I picked up during my years on Paxil. It’s an anxiety related thing and the only way out is to force yourself to reduce the behavior and acknowledge that the sky didn’t fall, the world did not end, and I didn’t turn into a fly creature just because I didn’t make sure the door was locked for the twelfth time.
Where was I going with this? Oh yeah … The Deal.
D used to give me nine kinds of hell about rechecking things. He wasn’t being mean about it, just frustrated that it took me an extra twenty minutes to leave the house AFTER I was ready to go. He would chuckle a little and say things like “are you sure you unplugged your curling iron?” Which was really stupid, because that just put the “did I unplug my curling iron?” thought in my head … and back upstairs I would go … where I would recheck the curling iron AND the thermostat AND the window latches AND the closet doors AND the lamps, fans, etc. etc. … you get the picture.
So one day I decided that I would stop nagging him about his weight (and horrible food choices and blood pressure) if he would stop giving me hell about rechecking things. He agreed … and it worked!
He eats better when I eat better (and I’ve been eating better thanks to WW … I’m 53 pounds lighter than my Paxilated weight). He exercises when I exercise. He doesn’t snack as much if I don’t snack as much … and he doesn’t eat out of spite, because he’s tired of hearing me nag about his weight. Oh sure … I’m very tempted to blurt out things like “do you really need a bowl of peanut butter and syrup for dessert?” … but I don’t. And when I came home one day to find that he had cooked a whole six pound package of bacon (don’t worry … he didn’t eat it all in one meal), I didn’t say a word. I said he was doing better … and for him that IS better.
We’re working on it.
My OCD rechecking has decreased significantly and he has lost a few pounds. Turns out that nagging might just make things worse. Damn … I wish we had figured this out 23 years ago. By the time we’re in our eighties, we might have this whole married thing figured out.