I’ve tried not to think about it much the past few days, mostly because it takes me back to a dark place, but then again it was the light that brought me out of the darkness.
Years ago when I woke up in that jail cell and realized that I was not myself, I started questioning the “why” and looked for the reasons that I had become the horrible person that I was. Those reasons were found on a forum of people who knew exactly what I was going through, because they had been there themselves. They understood my personality changes, the side-effects, the tornado that my life had become. They talked me through tapering. They helped me with withdrawal. They held my hand and explained things to me. They saved my life.
Tears are welling as I type this, because that place is now gone. The site was shut down a few days ago. The people who were there didn’t want to get better. They seemed to enjoy wallowing in their misery and didn’t want help from the people who could really help them. It’s beyond sad to me.
So here I am. Not knowing how to process the fact that if that site hadn’t been there when I needed it, then I would be at the least divorced and at the worst … dead. I know it had to be done, because it wasn’t helping people due to the negative attitudes of the people who were left … but what about the thousands upon thousands of people who are out there now who are losing their minds and their everythings because of meds they don’t really need? What about the others who were like me?
I don’t have an answer for that, but I’m trying to find one.