Anyone who has more than one child will nod their head in agreement about this. You see when you juggle the lives of more than one child then they take turns on the “List of Worry” as to who is at the top. Right now my son in rehab is at the very bottom. I know he has food. I know he has a warm place to sleep. I know that he’s working on himself. So as long as nothing stupid happens (knocking on wood right now), then he will be the least of my worries for about another year. It’s a good feeling.
Somewhere in the middle is a rotation between Riley, youngest boy child, and the twins. One day I worry about him, especially when he says things like “I hate college”, but then he keeps plugging along and agrees that he needs to go. One day I worry more about older twin child when she starts talking about moving in with her boyfriend after graduation, but then she gets an application for nursing school and she falls back down a notch on the Worry List. Younger twin child is kind of a constant worry, but all in all she’s a good kid and she’ll get it figured out.
The top spot for quite a while, at least since older boy child has been in rehab, has been firmly secured by our oldest girl child, Rachel. If you’ve been a loyal reader since the beginning then you know our drama with her and “the loser” that she dated the entire time she was in high school, then moved in with the day after graduation (also known as the first night I slept in months and months), then proceeded to work two jobs while he worked none … oh wait … is playing video games all day long and just being an asshole in general considered a job? No? ok … then he didn’t work. We were so thrilled when she finally got sick of his bullshit and kicked him out.
She spent about two years living on her own, struggling to pay her bills, but getting by. Then she got fired from her full time job. Then she quit her part-time job. Then she got a job at a smoke filled casino working the night shift. Then she found a guy online that we thought was a good guy.
Yes, I know I’m rambling … I’m getting there … I promise.
Well fast forward a few months to this past October and the big break-up, where we just recently learned that she lived in her car for a few days after he kicked her out. Since he isn’t my child, I really don’t want to get into our opinion of him and his actions. But I will say that my daughter really seems to know how to pick them … yes, that was sarcasm.
We learn more every day about the entire situation and I will say that not all abusive relationships are a fist to the face. I will also say that oldest girl child tends to crave drama and if there isn’t any, then she seems to find it or create it.
We are now walking that tight rope line of wanting to say things to her, but knowing that it probably won’t do any good. They have broken up AGAIN and she’s staying with a friend, but we don’t know how long that can last. She cannot move back in with us. I repeat … she CANNOT move back in with us. That would not be fair to the other three children who still live with us who seem to be doing what they are supposed to be doing to have good lives. However, she is our child and we can’t help but worry that she will never get her life straightened out and that she’s always going to struggle in so many ways.
So for now … we wait … we bite our tongues … we give advice if asked … and we wait … AGAIN.