After days of beating myself up with worry and heartache, we had a deep conversation with our pastor.  Yes, we go to church, don’t be so surprised.

I was struggling with issues that I had with two of our lovely children.

Riley moved out in the middle of the night to go live with a friend of his and the friend’s mother (can’t even imagine how awkward that is) and proceeded to post things on social media implying how horrible we are as parents.

Rachel seems to be leading a very rough life that seriously worries us.

So when you add in a mother who constantly worries and micromanages, you end up with a mother who is driving herself crazy over things she cannot change … even though she KNOWS she cannot change them.

Boxed wine helps.

The conversation with our pastor helped more.

In order for me to have the next chapter of my life (mine and D’s together), I have to stop going back and trying to reread or rewrite the previous ones.

We weren’t perfect parents, but I know know know that we weren’t awful ones either.  So I have to stop trying to defend the past and let my kids have their own feelings and lives.  MUCH easier said than done …. but I’m trying.

Maybe God is waiting for me to let this go so He can give ME something new and better.  Something that’s just for me.  Something that will make this next chapter of my life the best one ever.

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