Control

I have to tell myself every single day that I’m the only person I can control … EVERY SINGLE DAY!

It’s hard for someone who likes things done a certain way …someone who wants everyone to do what they say they will do … someone who wants other people to work as hard as I do … someone who wants a better life, no matter how bad their life has been.

I’ve been having nightmares lately.  I think it might be the junk food I’ve been eating or some nasty Rye Whiskey that the hubby wanted to try, but declared too disgusting for human consumption.  Yes … I ‘ve been drinking it mixed with anything I can think of to kill the taste.  Why?  Who the hell knows.  Maybe it’s because we spent a lot of money on that particular bottle.  Maybe it’s because I get some strange thrill out of finishing things (blaming that one on my hoarder parents) and throwing away the bottle.  Maybe I just like being miserable and making faces like I smelled something rotting under the bed … or like drinking disgusting Rye Whiskey.  I don’t know why I drink it … but it’s almost gone.  So I’ve got that going for me today.

Anywho .. I woke up from a nightmare at 4 o’clock this morning.  Freaked out, worrying and panicky.  Worried that things were never going to change.  Worried that we would never be out of debt.  Worried for my health and my daughter’s health.  Worried about stupid things I couldn’t control.

… and then I talked myself out of it.  I realized I was wasting my time preworrying about things that hadn’t even happened yet.  I can control today.  I can control my thoughts.  I can control my actions.  I CAN control what I say and do and think TODAY !!!  NOW !!!

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