Simplify Your Home (Sanctuary)

The Teen Translator

D and I have come to the conclusion that the teenage brain has a tiny translator in it that turns everything a parent says into something completely different … for example:

We say:  “We unplugged the router so that you can’t play video games for hours on end or watch stupid videos on Youtube when you should be doing your homework and cleaning your room.”

it runs through the translator …. bleep bop boop bleuch

They hear: “We unplugged the router for absolutely no reason and you need to watch TV, play video games and watch stupid videos on Youtube INSTEAD of doing your homework.  So go right ahead and plug it back in while we are at work, because we’re too stupid (as all parents are) to see it plugged in when we get home”

 

We say: “Do the dishes before you fall asleep.”

They hear: “Just keep watching that TV show, we really love it when there are so many dishes in the sink that they fall out onto the floor and smell like week old garbage.”

 

We say:  “Take your shower at night so we can have hot water for our showers in the morning.”

They hear:  “Don’t listen to anything I’m saying, keep talking on your phone, I actually enjoy a tub full of ice cold water in the morning …. IT’S REFRESHING!”

 

We say:  “None of your friends are coming over after school today, so don’t even bother asking.”

They hear:  “I didn’t really mean that nobody could come over, so be sure to call me at work at least four times and when they tell you that I’m in a meeting and can’t be disturbed then send me sixteen text messages …. and be sure to act completely clueless as to why I’m mad about it.”


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5 thoughts on “The Teen Translator”

  1. Me: we didn’t have an ice scraper in the car soi had to use your wooden ruler to scrape the 1/4 inch coating on ice off before I could come teach in your class. It broke, sorry.

    Translation: I broke your ruler over my knee just to spite you. I hate you and wanted you to be miserable.

  2. Amity, your kids scraped the ice?????? Wow! I’m impressed. You must be an amazing mom. My 3rd girl scraped a circle just big enough to see straight ahead of her. She rear ended a car that day. When the obvious lecture ensued about the things you have to think about when you’re behind the wheel, she was exasperated and said, “But Mom! I don’t want to have to think about anything. I just want to drive!”

    head/desk

    1. No Cristy, my daughter didn’t scrape the ice. I used her ruler to scrape ice in order to pick her up at school. She was mad that I had snapped the ruler in half and accused me of doing it intentionally. She is still young enough that if I catch her in the right mood doing manual labor is still fun but she is also old enough that anything I do unintentionally she takes the complete wrong way. Tweens.

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