Sunday afternoon in Wal-Mart Derek and I ran into a lady that I used to teach with.  If you know my story then you understand how this situation might do me harm and/or freak me out more than a little.  Luckily it was a teacher that I liked and have seriously missed.  I hadn’t seen her for six years.  We talked for a few minutes about my kids and her kids and the school and how I was doing and how she was doing.  Just chit chat.

It didn’t hit me until we were driving home and I got really quiet.  Derek knew why.

Moments like that rock me to my core for a few minutes.

It ALL came flooding back.  My horrific behavior.  Losing my job.  Being arrested.  Tapering off of Paxil and Ambien.  The side effects.  The withdrawal.

The dam breaks and the flood waters start rising.

I can’t help it and I can’t stop it.  I just let it happen.  If I dwell on it too long then it drags me under for a little while, so I’ve learned not to dwell.

…. and it passes every time.  I’m okay.  I survived.  Sure I wish that things were different, but I can’t change that.  I have to live with what I have RIGHT NOW.  It’s a learning process, but luckily I am a good student.


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