My husband and I have a brilliant idea (don’t steal it, we might actually do this one day).
We’re going to open a resort type place on a remote piece of land that only has little cabins big enough for one person. The cabins will have TVs, refrigerators, microwaves, a little bar, a really nice tub, and a very comfort bed. We’ll take away the guests’ cell phones so nobody can bother them. They’ll get two or three days of absolute alone time except for food (and possibly wine) deliveries. They can nap, take long baths, read, watch their favorite movies, sit in the dark and cry, etc. Whatever they want to do they can do (as long as it’s not illegal), because nobody else will tell them what they SHOULD be doing.
We’re going to call it They’re Not Here. It will be kind of fun to say “They’re Not Here, this is Gina” every time our phone rings.
It really is a brilliant idea. We all need a place for alone time, because sometimes the world is just too peopley. But we often don’t know how to take a break from people, because well … they’re everywhere.
We all want to be liked, at least by a few people. But for some of us that means spending more time on the problems of others than our own and every bit of stress and drama we take on just adds to our mental load. The things we have to, need to, and want to get done for ourselves get pushed to the back, but they’re always there, lurking and waiting. We put everyone else’s stuff first then by the time we take care of ourselves, our problems have grown or been made more complicated.
If you’re taking on the problems of fully capable adults you’re actually doing them a huge disservice. You aren’t helping, teaching, or even allowing them to learn how to take care of themselves. Instead you’re teaching them that you’ll just do it for them.
Sometimes we justify continuing to do everything, because “it’s just easier”. We have a certain way we like things done and we know how to be efficient at it. We don’t want to take the time to actually teach someone else how to help. We become martyrs who complain about being exhausted (physically and mentally), but do nothing to change our own situation.
Ask Yourself …
Am I a people pleaser who’s been putting myself last?
Am I doing things for people who are fully capable of doing it themselves?
Am I afraid people will like me less if I finally stand up for myself and tell them “NO!”?
It’s time to look at how you interact with people. If you’re mentally exhausted, or on the verge of it, you have to start putting yourself first, even if it’s just for a little while.
It might be the best thing for you AND them.
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