My slow journey into craziness began from not being honest. I wasn’t honest with myself. I wasn’t honest with other people. I saw voicing my opinions and telling people how I felt or what I needed as rude and pushy. I was the fixer … the good girl. I kept my mouth shut when I shouldn’t have and did what was expected of me. Which is terribly ironic considering I was the complete opposite when I was on meds.
The stress of taking on too much and always feeling like I had to take care of everyone else, wearing their problems like a straight jacket with chains … that was slowly squeezing me to death, was the primary reason I turned to antidepressants. I wanted a quick fix. Plus I believed that depression ran in my family and I was destined to “need” them … so not true, by the way.
Had I been more honest with others; telling them to back off, to work on solving their own problems, and to know the difference between enabling and helping, I might not have gone down the meds path. I might have taken more time to take care of myself, to slow down and to realize that every problem didn’t have to be solved right away. I’ll never know.
But I do know, that living a more honest life is freeing … in so many ways.
I’m not saying you have to tell your best friend that new sweater she loves is absolutely hideous or that you walk into your boss’s office and declare your hatred of the business he’s built.
Those would not be good things … unless you’re wanting a new best friend or new job, that’s your call I guess.
I’m saying that we should all start listening to the small voice in our heads and our hearts that tells us when we’re being taken advantage of, when we aren’t being true to ourselves, when we’re living a life of lies just because in some strange way it seems easier.
I’m saying that even when people ridicule you for your likes, your thoughts and your beliefs you CAN dismiss their opinions and live how YOU want to live.
I’m saying that it’s a process, a new way of living, that it won’t all change overnight.
I’m saying that I’m striving to be more honest in a dishonest world and going down that road not traveled DOES make all the difference.
It’s a totally new way to look at the world and I hope you’ll embrace it as much as I have.
My blog posts about living a more honest life will be in several categories (mostly in A little better every day and Slappy). You can also click on specific words in the I Write About section (in the sidebar on my blog) for posts about those topics.