I’m in pain.

I have been for a few months.  It started out as a generally squeezing feeling all the way around my mid-section.  Like Opie from Sons of Anarchy was giving me a giant hug that wouldn’t stop.  Wait.  I wouldn’t mind that … so it was nothing like that.  Let’s try again.  It was like a big sweaty, bearded guy was hugging me constantly.  Shit.  That sounds like Opie too. Let’s just go with squeezy feeling and call it good.  I suck at descriptions sometimes.

Anywho … after weeks of squeezing and pressure … like something was sitting on me.  Like an elephant that just ate a dozen pizzas … oh hell … no explanation needed … it’s pressure … you get the idea … the pain started.  Middle of my back pain.  Under my ribs pain.  Right in the middle of my gut pain.  Upper right chest pain.  Stabbing.  Aching.  Annoying as hell.  PAIN !!!

So I called my stomach doctor (the one I’ve gone to for those kinds of scopes ever since my brother was diagnosed with colon cancer when he was only 26), because I thought it was my gallbladder, but it turns out that he isn’t a gallbladder doctor … only a guts doctor.  So I went to a general surgeon who ordered an ultrasound … and two copays and several hours of missed work later … TA-DA!   it’s not my gallbladder.

On to the next doctor who took a chest x-ray and did an EKG …. x-ray inconclusive and EKG normal so she gives me an NSAID pain reliever “in case” it’s pleurisy, but when I start reading the little drug info sheet (because you know I read those things now) I freak smooth out at the words “stomach bleeding”, “sudden death”, and “sudden death from stomach bleeding”.   Don’t even get me started on the “do not consume alcohol while taking this medication”.  OH HELL NO BITCHES !!

So long story short (too late), I’m now scheduled for a stomach scope with my stomach doctor (see two paragraphs above) with a lovely check-in time of SIX FUCKING A.M.  tomorrow followed by a cardiologist appointment on Monday.

I’ll keep you updated.

P.S.  I know there are still some haters out there who read my blog just to find stuff to bitch about and are probably happy that I’m having problems, because well that’s how horrible people are … and oh by the way the voodoo doll you bought at the Chug and Glug (liquor store/gas station combo) along with your PBR and generic cigarettes IS WORKING … SO STOP THAT SHIT RIGHT NOW.  Please 🙂

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